I'm home, it's Friday night, the evening lies ahead of me like an unknown road that beckons.
Friday at work means loose-end-tying-up, means leaving a bit early after stockpiling a bunch of hours throughout the week. That's what I did today.
I was on the phone with my mom in the car on the drive home, thinking about making it to the St. Lawrence Market before closing time, thinking of marked-down sushi, flowers, and lettuce, when I felt around in my purse, mid-drive, for my ipod.
No no no no I did not leave this treasured little music square at work.
I told my mom. As I cried in the car in frustration. But I moved fast, turned right at Sheppard Avenue near Fairview Mall off of Don Mills--reversed myself, heading back north instead of the way the compass in my body was pointing: south, south, every way south, back to downtown, to the city, away from my suburban
I got back up to my office in record time, and there were a number of cars in my 'fleet' that seemed to have a real sense of urgency going on too.
Pulled into my office parking lot after one thousand intersections (yes I exaggerate see yesterdays' post about "so not a morning person" and then feel free to cut me some slack), parked my car, darted in my office, up the stairs two at a time and into my darkened office. Rescued one lonely ipod. Need this for not just the drive home, the walk to St. Lawrence Market, but more importantly my long run tomorrow, my musical inclinations tonight, my sanity.
My sister rationalized that sometimes we forget items because fate is directing us away from harm ( I do like this concept, but I can tell you, as I crawled back home in traffic circa 5:45, having left work at 4:30, I was in no mood to address "the bright side of life").
I made it home.
Made it to the Market.
Had my sushi, on the cheap, and true pink gerberas are re-blooming in a purple vase on my dining room table.
Emailing friends, hair up in a high bun, wearing a hoodie and pajamas, chardonnay poured in a Riedel glass, one that my sister bought, my favourite, stemless and at-hand.
Blogging. Listening to reggae on the ipod, on the ipod dock.
A serious, solid week of work making me tired but relieved, and ready to go to bed early.
It's funny how sometimes those times in life, which can last a long time, where most of your life is "have-to" rather than "want-to" hone your skills on training your mind for something better. Strength? Individuality? Quiet perseverance? All, I like to think.
Tonight, I'm going to start re-reading Blue Nights. I've had a couple of months of book-fluff (and a library strike that has not allowed me to borrow new books). Anyway--I want to see, again, 'how it works'. How it's put together. And escape out of my world into Didion's, of late sixties' California, of timeless New York City, of a different age.