Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Anxiety Riddled


Just a kind of cool-read for a Tuesday.
I am going to work on a piece as they take open submissions.

Ah anxiety. It was with me this morning as I got ready for work, as I knew I had an important meeting this morning, and I was half-worried, as I always am, that it would be a blood-bath.

I downed half an anti-anxiety tablet with water before I left for work, and then the other half after I arrived. I also had coffee, but the tablet seemed unaffected. Here it is, now, the end of a long Tuesday, and I remain calm. Not comatose, but not worried about every little thing.

The biggest anxiety trigger right now is only partially about work. Yes, it's busy, and yes, I'm not supposed to get stressed out (as if). Right now my big anxious focus fixates on my looming MRI.
I've been doing the exact opposite to everything I should be:
I'm combing the net, medical sites to be exact, and reading too much about what my possible condition could be.
I'm thinking about how claustrophobic I get in confined spaces and it's giving me heart palpitations.
As the gentleman in the New York Times article specifies--I'm allowing my anxiety to feel like foreboding, then a foregone conclusion, before I've even been able to give this condition a name, a home. It's simply 'out there' right now, free-floating in my thoughts, root-less, law-less.

I'll check in after the procedure.
I also want to finish another longer post that I was working on on Saturday. (done, sorry, I've been dragging my feet on this post, too).
Anxiety ruled most of this weekend. Stress, fear, and doubt bottle neck up to Saturday and Sunday for some odd reason, and again, although the day itself, Monday, was relatively benign, I repeat the same cycle week after week, with no hope, it seems, of stopping it. It was Tuesday, today, that spun me around more that I would have liked.

Physical exercise can help, but often it's only temporary. Pushing myself beyond my limits results in my inability to feel the anxiety, but also numbs me to more positive feelings too.

I also want to read this book:


Looks like it has alot of good ideas to explore.....

Just musing aloud on a Tuesday.

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