Friday, August 26, 2011

Journal 57 Vacation

I leave for vacation tomorrow morning.
I know, so so exciting, as I have not seen my American bf M. in almost (to the day) FIVE MONTHS.
However, I am detouring over the NYC to visit another one of my favourite people, my friend L., and I've got to admit, as much as I am laughing it up, this Hurricane thing is kind of bugging me.
I think of it this way--I've been through so much this year already, I just had my birthday get bedraggled with a tornado warning, and a hell of a major rain/lightning storm, and now I have to gear up for a long the eye of another storm?
The thing is, weather reports long ceased to amaze me years ago. Here in Canada, where we brace for winter storms but don't stop planning things, it seems somehow natural and very Canadian to me to simply ignore all reports of this burgeoning storm and go about my plans.
I know. It's called denial. I'm listening to reports advising against any non-essential travel to the U.S., but inside I'm saying, but it IS essential. Essential I see my friend L., and that I get to stay with M.
Just letting the thoughts out of my head, I guess, so maybe I can look back on my thirty-eight-year-old self and say Oh my God what was she THINKING driving to the States with a hurricane watch on the go?
But more than likely all will be okay. I've never prepared/dreamed/needed/wanted a vacation more than I want this one right now. I'm mentally kaput from all the energry I've needed just to keep myself sane over these last few months. From my sleep patterns (up at all hours, against my will) to eating (picking at foods, eating the same thing four dinners a week) to my near-obsession with running (getting away from the inside of my head) to all the reading, writing, and general "taking note" of my consciousness every minute of the day, I'm exhausted.
I really really am. I clearly remember the email I sent to my Dad last year from Maine, when I had finally taken in the spring/summer months of 2010; I told him I felt like 'myself' again.
And I did--happy, playful, free, and looking towards the future with hope, not dread.
So I'm taking denial to a new level.
I'm going.
Get out of my way, storm.

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