I've written before on my myriad of superstitions, my use of numbers and counting to calm a troubled mind, and my brushes with fortune telling, my longing of knowing just what is in store for me (however, as I once read, would this very ability exist, none of us would be able to live our lives due to the terror and dread of upcoming events; we would fixate on them, not the upcoming good things...ah human nature).
I own a set of tarot cards, they can be a fun party trick, but sometimes, once in a while, I use them on myself, at a quiet, reflective moment, when I may be feeling particularly vulnerable or off-kilter.
Such was my state of mind last Saturday night, when, home alone with alot of quiet time to think, I took them out of their little yellow case and let them get used to the room while I ate dinner. I didn't have a burning question for the cards, and I wasn't anticipating the outcome of any particular happening. I just wanted some...reassurance. Like how you feel when you re-read a book you've read about a hundred times and still love--opening the book to the first page, to the first sentence, one you've no doubt memorized, feels so familiar and comforting.
I shuffled the deck, seven times, and a strange thing happened; I dropped the cards and a handful of them scattered onto the floor, with three (I was doing a three card reading) fell together. I took those to be my cards and picked them up, lying them facedown on my coffee table.
Three card reading can read as the cards representing (in order) "Mind, Body, Spirit", meaning Card 1 represents your state of mind; Card 2 your state of body; Card 3 the state of your spirit. The three cards can also represent, in the same order, the Past, Present, and Future.
I focussed on a combination of these 2 reading types. As I had shuffled the cards, I couldn't focus on one particular question, or even a direction of thought to head toward, so I shuffled a bit blankly, just thinking of my life in general, the endless ups-and-down-ness of it all, the downs seeming to outlast the ups by a huge ratio and I sighed internally.
Card 1: Four of Wands. Keyword: Prosperity.
I looked at this card with interest; Wands represent the fire signs of the zodiac, Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. I was born on the cusp of a fire sign. I have several fire sign friends, and my mother is a fire sign. It's a suit associated with creativity, work, and enterprise. I found the card odd; prosperous is the last thing I've been feeling in recent weeks. However, it is a card of home (the card in my deck shows a small thatched cottage in the centre of a meadow, framed by the four wands). Home, and its' promise of comfort had been on my mind, I will admit. Puzzled but pleased, I turned over Card 2.
Card 2: The Sun, XIX. Even more mysterious to me. The Sun is a major card. It's a very happy card. It's a card I rarely (if ever) pull when I read for myself. A balance between the conscious and unconscious mind. Summertime. Success. Joy. Sunflowers, buoyancy, gifts.
Card 3: The Wheel of Fortune, X. Another confusing, unlikely card. For this reading, I was expecting doom, gloom, cards of warning and ruin; yet here was another major card, denoting my state of mind (I will admit, life has seemed pretty off-side lately). The description of this card in my tarot book denotes that it represents the workings of destiny, which no one can truly understand. It is also a lucky card.
I sat with my cards after completing my reading for a long time. I concluded that the cards maybe read my question, my state of mind, more than I had realized. And that maybe I HAD been asking a question, that eternal question I ALWAYS ask myself:
Is everything going to be okay?
Maybe the answer that the cards tried to communicate:
It doesn't matter.
As in, it doesn't matter because the wheel keeps spinning, the sun rises every morning, and you lie in bed for those first few minutes, letting everything that is going on in your life rush back into your head; but you get up anyway, ignorant to what the day has in store for you.
And you trust that you'll get through the day, one way or another.