There has also been an important event in my life, as of Wednesday night--I am now engaged.
It's a funny word, and it makes me feel funny; not in a bad way, just in a stomach-flip-roll-over kind of way, as in "Oh my God. I was the eternal bachelor...." (Not bachlorette. Trust me on this--I do not own a toaster, kettle, stereo or vacuum. See, I told you). The other funny thing is that M. is the same way--we are just two lucky people who found each other.
After my disaster break-up last year, I swore off men.
And we all know what happens when you do that. Right.
The universe, in this case, intervened.
It's been such a strange, sad year, that I feel almost guilty in my happiness. Not that I will let that stop me from letting joy in, letting love in; it's just I feel like I need my mom and sister to feel better too, before I can be really really happy. My mom is getting through the days right now in her own way, and I know that for whatever reason, my sister has been hit way harder by my dad's death than I have. Not that I haven't been hit--it does sometimes feel that physical, but maybe for her, the baby of the family, this kind of thing was more out of the realm of imagination. All I can do at this point for both of them is to be there to support them, unconditionally.
The cold weather has given me lots of lazy indoor-time, a contrast to last week when I ran in the heat almost every day, and jumping in the ocean was a great way to wake up. I've finished reading "Lit" and am now trying to pick my next book. I've been loading lots of pictures on here, something I don't normally do, a kind of 'blog-cheat' for me; ie, I usually let my words create the visuals.
M. has also shown me pretty much every corner of southern Maine, and I have taken the camera out of hiding to really capture it...
These lighthouse shots, taken in the driving rain, are from Fort Williams--it's a port in the storm, with a real lighthouse (I think) and a foghorn for ships. M. took these two shots of me, water in the background, and that thing that looks like the moon is really a raindrop on my camera lens. I love it though--I know my niece and nephew will see this shot and think that it is, in fact, the moon.
Here is M. on the beach, again, taken last week when the weather was fine.
It's been such a strange, sad year, that I feel almost guilty in my happiness. Not that I will let that stop me from letting joy in, letting love in; it's just I feel like I need my mom and sister to feel better too, before I can be really really happy. My mom is getting through the days right now in her own way, and I know that for whatever reason, my sister has been hit way harder by my dad's death than I have. Not that I haven't been hit--it does sometimes feel that physical, but maybe for her, the baby of the family, this kind of thing was more out of the realm of imagination. All I can do at this point for both of them is to be there to support them, unconditionally.
The cold weather has given me lots of lazy indoor-time, a contrast to last week when I ran in the heat almost every day, and jumping in the ocean was a great way to wake up. I've finished reading "Lit" and am now trying to pick my next book. I've been loading lots of pictures on here, something I don't normally do, a kind of 'blog-cheat' for me; ie, I usually let my words create the visuals.
M. has also shown me pretty much every corner of southern Maine, and I have taken the camera out of hiding to really capture it...
These lighthouse shots, taken in the driving rain, are from Fort Williams--it's a port in the storm, with a real lighthouse (I think) and a foghorn for ships. M. took these two shots of me, water in the background, and that thing that looks like the moon is really a raindrop on my camera lens. I love it though--I know my niece and nephew will see this shot and think that it is, in fact, the moon.
And yes, that is my new Coach purse. Do not judge me. I have an addiction, sir.
Here is the Mumm's we had Wednesday night to celebrate.....I know I will tell the whole story of the engagement itself on here shortly. Right now I'm just savouring it, with a bit of awe, truth be told. As my friend L. reminded me on the phone yesterday--just enjoy this moment and don't worry about when/where/what ie, wedding. It will all happen eventually. She's right.
Here is M. on the beach, again, taken last week when the weather was fine.
The other stomach-flip feeling I get right now is the fact that I have to leave to go home Saturday morning, and I am already dreading that moment, and another sad good-bye. I know it won't be for as long this time, but the last two weeks have been so filled with activities we've done and all the laughing we do, that I dread staring down autumn, the precursor to the Canadian winter and to November, my most hated month, that I want to postpone it as long as I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment