Sunday, November 25, 2012

Giving Thanks

Inspired by my blog-friend Julia's lovely post, here;

It's Thanksgiving for our American friends this weekend. Food, fun, football...friends.
Julia asks what we are thankful for...I thought I'd do a list since I'm feeling a bit list-y today, the tv is on, football game in the background (Bills and Colts, you know how I feel), it's almost 2pm, and I have yet to run (am still in pajamas. What can I say? I went out last night. Out, as in, I left the house, hung out with Mike, and some old friends, it was a good time).
So without further delay...

Family of course. More than ever. Despite the frustrations that only our families can inflict on us, no one will ever bring us more joy. Or more sorrow. My dad's death has etched that for me.

Friends. New. Old. Those amazing memories that keep giving. And really, they just keep getting better.

The sunshine. It just came out at my back, reminding me how great my run will be.

Running. Even though I'm not supposed to really be doing it right now, I'm sort-of half in the clear. Good enough for me.

This blog, even though it hasn't been getting near the attention it needs from me. Even though I can't quite reveal the bullshit that has gone on in the last while, unless I write a 'fictional' account (believe me, I've thought about it). But all will be revealed, eventually. You know how that goes.

My principles. Wow. They have gone through the wringer these last couple of roller-coaster weeks. As my friend L. wrote in her blog--you can't let their lies become your truth. Amen L. It's been a real challenge to hang on to my beliefs about myself over these two very difficult weeks. All the while keeping up a facade that everything is okay, while inside asking those really scary questions.
How well do I know myself?  How do others really perceive me? Does it marry up with how I perceive myself? I think I've proven to myself that it does. This test of my principles is not over, but it's closer to being resolved. And I have the satisfaction of knowing I held on to my beliefs, to those soul-truths, even as I faced scrutiny for being who I am: myself.

Karma. The backlash of it. The whiplash. How it will strike without warning, like a random rainstorm on an otherwise clear day.  And it does strike. It's been said that the wheels turn, however slowly, and that has been revealed over the past few days and weeks. And it's also been said, it's a bitch. And yea, it is. Especially when you're on the receiving end of it. On the other end of it though, there is no sweeter feeling then seeing someone get what's coming to them.  I am thinking back to a sad September day where I sat in a dingy courtroom with my sister, my arms around her as she cried, witnessing the end of her marriage. This weekend, someone got what was coming to them after a long delay. I know it's wrong to gloat at the suffering of others, but I did give thanks at getting this news yesterday. Sorry. I'm human.

That's all for right now. I'm wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, even though here in Canada we had our holiday in October.  It's a nice reminder to remember to be thankful every day really. Even when things are not going well. Especially when they're not going well. As my friend A. says, even in those dark, shitty times, good things can come out. Very true.

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