Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Moving Forward

I wanted to round out my year of postings at the number 24, as this is my ‘lucky’ number, but, after thinking about it, I realized 23 seemed to be my lucky number this year, based on a number of timely events. In a naively superstitious way, I somehow cling to things like numerology, astrology, and remembering key dates (for years at a time) as methods to help me explain the sometimes random-chaos that seems to find me in my life.
But here it is—I’m back to number 24, whether I want to be or not.

I talked about reflections in my last post about Christmas spirit. About change, and learning, and growth. Something I notice that I didn’t reflect on was beliefs.
And the spirit of beliefs. And why we have them. And what they mean to us.
I’m not talking about how I ‘believe’ (again, naively) in playing number games to soothe my overactive imagination; I’m talking about that scary word that gets people all worked up at the best of times: Faith.

I have a belief in Faith, and how it can restore you, and how it can make life more bearable, if you can learn to let it. It doesn’t have to be the “scary” kind of faith, that makes people all over the world do incredibly odd, sometimes frightening, often un-understandable things, but rather that inner part of yourself, one that you probably don’t unveil too often, of things that you believe, no matter what anyone says, no matter what proof you may be given that they are not true, things that you FEEL are true. These feelings may sway sometimes in the face of unexpected circumstance, but once you regain your footing, it seems unshakable.

What I believe.
I believe in life after death. I believe this despite having no hard evidence to “prove” this belief of mine, this ‘theory’, other than attending many masses at the Catholic church; I mean that this is a belief I have that is separate from my religious background, although I’m sure it certainly is influenced in part by this background.
I can’t really define this concept though, when talking about life after death. This concept is strictly something I FEEL. Is that what faith is? I feel that you are given the gift of life, to live out here on the revolving-door planet called earth. I feel that you are to make the most of the life you are given, design yourself a place within the framework of family, talent, and circumstance. I believe in being a good person, in good behaviour. I believe, (naïve, superstitious Catholic belief # 173) that you will, at some point, either by God, or Karmic law—be rewarded for said good behaviour. However, I ALSO believe that doing the right thing is, in itself, the only reward needed, even if it sometimes thankless. Meaning; you contribute to an overall, universal feeling of “wellness” when you manage to do the right thing. Whether or not you know it.

I believe, when the time is up for you, meaning, you arrive at your death date, one that I also believe is pre-determined way ahead of time; you die, physically, and your physical ‘earth’ presence is finished. However, all of those things that you perfected about yourself throughout your life, those qualities that make you You, the memories that you constructed with those you loved, who loved you; all of those things do not simply vanish. They can’t. I can’t believe that could ever be the case. I constantly run into people who say things like “I don’t believe in all of that”. All of that? ALL OF WHAT? That’s ALL THERE IS, when you get right down to it.
To me, anyway.

All of the things that make you You.

to be continued….

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